Chat up lines 1, 2 & 3

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

As I now live with two sassy, smart, single, sexy girlies, we do have a bit of a laugh together about stuff that occurs to and around us. Should I ever feel the desire to write a book about this period in my life, I will call it “Three blonde bombshells and a baby grand piano” – yes, we have the latter.

Now if you have certain anatomy and ever venture outside the house at all, it’s just a part of everyday life that you get hit on - mostly by blokes, but sometimes the odd woman throws something into the mix for good measure. Obviously I would be lying if I didn't admit such approaches can be flattering; on the other hand some people are actually really fucken scary.

Chat up lines are met with either: (1) aggression/fear – you are seedy as all hell and you actually make my stomach turn, (2) something resembling disdain – like I’m sure I’m the umpteenth woman you’ve hit on today moron, (3) amusement – at least it was original and made me laugh or (4) albeit very very rarely, every now and then some poor sod may actually just hit the right note on the right day and get more than he bargained for. Oh yeah, and there's always (5) pity - let's not even go there.

So just for a giggle, thought I’d share some of the chat up tactics we come across. Here are some from most recent times...

[Girl dances with friends in a very crowded bar. Boy approaches and lightly taps girl on shoulder.]
Boy: “I really like your dress.”
Girl: [Smiles] “Thank you.”
[Boy walks away again, with absolutely no attempt made to hang around and sleaze on in.]

Verdict: We’re not sure this was even a chat up line, but either way it was taken as a true compliment and girl liked it.

[An email between two people who have never met about something entirely unrelated.]
Boy: “I own X company, am a Director of X company and blah-de-blah of X company.”
Girl: [Says nothing, but thinking “Oh big fucken deal. Do you have a soul, can you make me laugh til I cry and play my body like a musical instrument. I suspect not. But you have more than enough ego for the both of us.”]

Verdict – Girl’s thoughts say it all really. Girls to whom status and money are top priority are not worth having. Yes, we like and respect clever, motivated men but ego has been known to get in the way of everything.

[An extremely drunken man approaches bombshells in the courtyard of a bar. He is struggling to stand and is somewhat incomprehensible when he speaks (due to liquor intake rather than accent). He leers over one of the girls. This is a shortened version of a much longer encounter (about the length of time it takes to smoke a cigarette).]
Boy: “I’m from Iceland.”
Girl: “Dried fish.”
[Boy is so close to girl he is practically falling on her.]
Boy: “You in this country aren’t even friendly. You’re all cold.”
[Yes, someone from Iceland actually said that.]
Girl: “What brought you to this country then?”
Boy: “Destiny.”
[Girl’s friend encourages boy to step back a little out of her personal space. Boy proceeds to practically fall into a large fuel burner, but he doesn’t really notice.]
Girl: “You seem to be burning your arse. Perhaps you should sit down.”
Boy: [Sidling up again] “Destiny brought me here.”
Girl: “Oh goody, the band has started again. I’m going inside now. Goodbye.”

Verdict – Girl was too nice. We are fairly certain this guy is a complete dickhead even when sober.

So what do you reckon, are we too hard on blokes? We say that we reserve the right to be fussy or look what we could end up with.


awesome and so true!!
it is funny to even think that they think that they may work.. but sadly we all have been there when we have had to much of said liquor and the DID bloody work ha ha ...
this is why we have memory loss..

Too true!