100 things

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Yes I know it’s not all about me but… Alice Gray did it and it made me want to too. But no, I wouldn’t jump off a cliff just because she did it first.
  1. My favourite foods are potatoes and cheese
  2. And salty, sour or savoury things
  3. I am the youngest of 5
  4. One of two girls
  5. My mother says I was an accident, but a nice one
  6. I was almost called Andrea (they came to their senses)
  7. I am a terrible daughter and never call
  8. My favourite colour is red
  9. It speaks to me of passion
  10. I have one tattoo
  11. And a few scars on the outside
  12. A black cat called Mary-Plain was my first pet. He was actually a boy.
  13. I cried when my Doberman died. I was 33.
  14. I suspect I think about sex more than other girls
  15. I love my body
  16. It only took about 30 years
  17. I am my own worst critic
  18. And most loyal friend
  19. I have been in love 3 times in my life
  20. My ex-husband wasn’t one of them
  21. Only 2 of them ever knew
  22. And I still am, because to me that’s what love is
  23. I think people are hugely interesting and monotonously dull
  24. This could be due to my extremely low boredom threshold
  25. And very active imagination
  26. I like the shape my mouth makes forming certain words beginning with C
  27. I should stay away from brown-eyed puppies and bookshops
  28. For fear of bringing them home
  29. I feel my way through most things in life, rather than pure logic
  30. I didn’t always
  31. But I find it helps a lot
  32. I learned HTML in 2001
  33. It’s the only other language I know apart from English
  34. Unless you count XML and basic SQL
  35. And a few Maori words. I'd like to learn more.
  36. And to do calligraphy properly
  37. There’s just something I love about ink
  38. I never say “never”
  39. And also try to avoid using the word “should”
  40. If I could have one domestic servant, it would be a chef
  41. I once thought I really, really wanted to be a veterinarian
  42. But it seemed like too much effort
  43. Which are unusual words to hear uttered from my mouth
  44. I’m a firm believer in nana naps, but not for too long
  45. Taking a bath, riding my horse or dancing is how I de-stress
  46. Just generally being horizontal works well too
  47. I notice whenever you make spelling mistakes
  48. But won’t judge you for it. Much.
  49. I started going grey in my 20s
  50. But will take bets that I won’t go bald ever
  51. I have never broken any bones
  52. But have smashed 2 yard glasses at 2 separate twenty-firsts
  53. I only drink Tequila with people I trust
  54. And can get a hangover while still drunk on white wine
  55. I’m a country girl at heart
  56. But also like the town
  57. The suburbs are the pits
  58. If I had to choose, I’d rather be watched than do the watching
  59. Would like to time travel
  60. Don’t watch much TV, it’s a waste of time
  61. I love the sound of torrential rain on a corrugated iron roof
  62. And the feel of clean sheets
  63. One day I want to have my own tack room
  64. Where I will sit in an old-fashioned armchair
  65. Drinking copious amounts of tea
  66. While listening to music
  67. Kept warm by pot belly rays
  68. Writing and sometimes cleaning tack
  69. Eeewwl, number 69. What to say about that?
  70. I’m right-handed
  71. One of my most favourite things in the whole wide world is the feeling of warm sunshine on my back
  72. I’m a perfectionist
  73. Except when I can't be arsed
  74. I’m healthy as a horse
  75. Strong as an ox
  76. Soft as a kitten
  77. Loyal as a dog
  78. And woolly as a sheep at times
  79. I like antiques
  80. And boots
  81. I like to dress up, in character sometimes
  82. I buy nearly all my clothes second-hand
  83. It’s much more fun that way
  84. My favourite variety of apple is Eve
  85. I drink hot toddys and consume chilli en masse as the only remedy for colds
  86. I can’t stand the taste of coffee!
  87. Unless it’s in alcohol or cake
  88. I notice the smallest details
  89. I can tell when most people are lying, even those I don't know very well
  90. Although I don’t usually say anything
  91. I’d make an excellent detective
  92. I’ve always wanted to jump out of somebody’s birthday cake
  93. But the opportunity hasn’t arisen
  94. I’d also like to ride in a hot air balloon
  95. Jump a proper round of jumps on my pony
  96. And go on a horseback cattle drive
  97. Make me laugh and respect you and I’ll be yours forever
  98. I see humour in most things
  99. If not at once, then after a while
  100. I try to see the goodness in everyone

If need be

Friday, 15 April 2011

Propositions were nothing new to Sissy, from men and women alike. It was with their increasing frequency and obscurity the realisation dawned that she was living on an entirely different planet to mostly everybody else.

“You know how I feel about you. And we can do anything you want... even move to deepest darkest Peru if you like. I want you to be the mother of my kids, we don’t even have to be together if that’s what it takes.”

I need you and neither of us are getting any younger he had inferred. You’d better hurry up or you'll be left barrenly standing outside the gate. Meaning well, but the declaration also evidenced that he didn’t know the real her at all.

Exactly when Sissy had reversed roles with practically every man she had ever dated she couldn’t put her finger on. But there it was. No longer her key to feeling secure, happy or even ok, and along come a bombardment of the desperate to prove their manhood and correctly functioning sperm. Murphy’s Law Sissy, Murphy’s Law.

It wasn’t that Sissy didn’t want these things. Rather, the intense need upon which they hung their hat kept her navigating in the opposite direction. As the hats, for the most part, were ten gallon – heavily flourished with laden bands of ‘at all costs’, societal rule books and obligatory norms.

You can bark up that tree all you like, she thought, and never find what you really seek. “Thank you,” she said quietly instead, declining politely as had occurred so many times before. Fully confident of realising the fulfilment of her own deep-seated desires and dreams, that were, as she spoke, manifesting on their way to her.

Share with me your freak

Wednesday, 6 April 2011


When anybody asks me “Is it easy to forget?”
I’ll say “It’s easily done you just pick anyone
And pretend that you never have met”
~ Bob Dylan

The Mild West

Monday, 4 April 2011

At the foot of the bed lie a shotgun, a serious looking baseball bat, didgeridoo and a purring pussy cat called Pansy curled up in a tight ticklish tortoiseshell ball.
Aztec-patterned Pansy blends right into the furnishings as Geronimo, chief of the Chiricahua Apache, gazes out from his nearby wall-mounted frame of glass with troubled eyes and a chiselled mouth set in sepia tones. He too brandishes a shotgun within his well defined hands telling tales of strength and wisdom. He lived some eighty years Geronimo, until 1909. A grand age in those times no doubt, he must have known a thing or two.
It’s autumn and in the corner of the living room of this basic little rustic converted woolshed abode, the fire already crackles warm and hearty in the firebox. Horizontal dogs adorn its surrounds; the best place to be on such a grey, rainy day. Tools, horse shoes, bridles and other times-past knick-knacks are slung over nails banged into old hardwood timber struts, probably salvaged from some ancient bridge fallen into disrepair somewhere or other out in the boonies.
I’ve died and woken up in the Wild West after slinking back to bed at 10 o’clock, unable to function, absolutely worn out before the day has even begun. I’m delirious, I must be dreaming, but it feels... well, like it’s doing me the power of good.
So, in the absence of a gunslinger to coil up cosily with and snuggle, I stroke Pansy back to full throttle purr, roll over, closing my eyes sleepily once more. Vaguely aware of the soft rustle of wind through the oak trees outside the bedroom window, nature sets to gently healing my exhausted self by way of restful sleep and wonderful empowering dreams.

The week that was

Friday, 1 April 2011

A very strange week. One in which words have failed me on numerous occasions, much to my chagrin. So instead, a random shot of recent Womadic adventures. Because this week, as every week really, I'm reminded how truly awesome my friends are and because it's probably the last photo taken of me with that hair. Aliens landed on Tuesday morning and replaced me with a Lady Gaga/Annie Lennox/Andy Warhol lookalike. I'm not yet sure what I think about it, except that a change is as good a rest and Hello New York, we shall be meeting soon!