Help save the Cable Bay Rifle Range

Thursday, 21 February 2008

You may have heard that the Cable Bay Rifle Range & Shooting Adventures here in the Nelson district is trying to be closed down by some new neighbours that are moving into the area.

Please help us save the rifle range by signing the online petition to be presented to the Environmental Court. It should never have even got this far!

Read the full story and please sign the petition at

Relativity and diversity

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

You're busy going about your business, maybe even patting yourself on the back for being so brave, or possibly thinking the sky is falling on your head. Then something small happens to make your own existence seem so relative. We are a diverse bunch, huh.

I got an email this week from someone I knew back as a teenager (when I frequented bogan keg parties and sported a mullet). He's now either a para trooper for the French army or a bullshitter. Regardless, it got me thinking about it. What sort of person joins the foreign legion? Is it really such the enigma of the urban legend? Are they mercenaries in the common sense of the word? I thought from the horse's mouth made really interesting reading.

On the same day I read a fellow student’s post on my Open Poly online forum. Now in his sixties, he was born with only 3% and 1% vision in his right and left eyes respectively. He told a few funny as stories about amusing and embarassing situations in his life that his severe short sightedness had brought about. These days he can only see vague shapes through a white fog, but he nevertheless works a desk job. He uses a closed circuit TV which magnifies printed material onto a computer screen and other software that magnifies and speaks various application’s information. Definitely an interesting guy with loads of interests, including photography and movie film production. He posted up a really large photograph, which I thought was a nice touch. It has a really clear and graphic picture on the tv behind where he is sitting. It’s pretty gory, of someone with blood all over them collapsing in pain. I’m not sure whether he has no idea because he's never seen it, or it’s his black sense of humour. But it made me smile. In a nice way. Regardless.

Then the bogan in me thumped my touchy-feely self for being too out there. Diversity is everywhere.

Impress your lass

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

A lot of guys aren’t so good at romance eh. They have no idea. In fact I think I’ve only ever had one boyfriend who surprised me with gifts and stuff that I really really liked. That’s because he had the nouse to get his sister to help him come up with ideas!

So it’s Valentine’s Day this week and obviously couldn’t go without a mention. I don’t have any crushes worth getting up the energy to do anything about, so this year I’ve decided to help you blokes out a bit instead. Be your big sister if you like.

Being of discerning taste, but a woman nonetheless - all of whom have a soft spot for romance and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise - here is my quick guide to IMPRESSING YOUR LASS ON VALENTINE'S DAY. It’s easy, it’s cheap and comes with a 95% satisfaction guarantee. My disclaimer is that there’s always bitches out there who are never happy or realise what a great guy you really are, in which case - move on.

Above all guys, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER is that all girls want is to feel special. The amount of expenditure is totally irrelevant. She will be totally turned on purely by knowing that you were thinking about her and wanted to do something special, and then actually did.

So here’s my starter for ten to give you some ideas:

  1. Take her for a drive and stop to snog in a rest area
  2. Leave her an unexpected love note where you know she’ll find it
  3. Make her a homemade card
  4. Take her to a bookshop and secretively read the magazines and giggle together (instead of buying them; it’s more fun that way)
  5. Go to the beach, bury her in the sand (preferably with her head sticking out) and etch sweet nothings into the sand in front of her
  6. Wash her hair and take your sweet time about it
  7. Cut out paper letters that say “I love you”, “how hot are you?” or similar and string them up as a surprise
  8. Take her to the library and make out in a quiet secluded section, like reference or biographies
  9. Maker her a breakfast smoothie with love and make funny shapes out of the toast
  10. Sing to her (ok yes, now I’m clutching at straws!)

Good luck!

Find a farmer a wife

Friday, 1 February 2008

The Australian Women’s Weekly is running a ‘Find a Farmer a Wife’ campaign here in NZ at the moment, so naturally I felt obliged to scan what was on offer. It was worth the fiver outlay for the entertainment value (I laughed a lot!) and as AWW put it, with 22 men of the land looking for love, what was I waiting for?

Carsten, 44, of King Country has centrefold status. He sounds relatively sane, likes horses and isn't too hard on the eye. But no, he lives too far away.

Michael, 44, Christchurch, is slightly closer to home and has horses too. Let me see… errr, perhaps not… Michael is looking for someone with “homemaking skills” (not really my strong point) and thinks the one thing a woman can do better than a man is “bringing up children”.

Move over Michael, enter David, 33, Southland. At least it’s still the same island and we’re much closer in ages. Hmmm, actually I don’t think so... David still lives with his mother and says the most romatic thing he’s ever done is “taken someone out for a nice dinner”.

Oh! A moment of excitement when I saw a local bloke pictured on his 4 wheeler motorbike alongside his faithful black & white hound. Neil, 43, lives practically just up the road in Takaka (a very nice spot). Only I think he might be related to Michael because Neil too thinks women are good for looking after children. Buying flowers is the most romantic thing he’s ever done. For FU*K’s sake guys, are we still living in the 70s, or is it a case of too much effluent in your water supply?

Scott, 27, Bay of Plenty is the pick of the bunch. He loves rural life but also likes to venture into town. He has energy, makes the most of every opportunity and there’s lots of laughter in his life. Oh yeah, and he’s hot! He reckons women can do most things better than men (if you actually want to get things finished) and has plenty of ideas when it comes to romance. You’re a winner in my book Scott – and even your dog is cute.

So I don’t think I’ll be writing to any of them, but good on them for having the guts to put themselves out there (and be open to my ridicule & scrutiny – sorry guys!)