Expression on the loose

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

This blog is very selfish. I write it purely for me. For self-expression (so the men in white coats don’t come and take me away) and to encourage myself to keep on writing (to get better at anything you have to do it more and actually put it out there).

That people actually read it still bemuses me, not that I’m complaining. But they do so at their own risk – as it’s not always pretty - because I’m not always pretty. I’m very human and very far from perfect. Sometimes life is distinctly challenging, but mostly I think it’s beautiful if approached with the right attitude. “Live like you mean it” is a slogan I cut from a magazine years ago that’s been stuck to my fridge ever since.

I want the world to see who I really am – warts, insecurities and all. If I can’t be authentic, I don’t want to be at all. I say what I think, but I try very hard to be open minded and consider all other points of view. I don’t believe in letting white elephants skulk around the room and I’m not half pie about anything much. I’m in or I’m out. I’m just that kinda girl.

So to the person who told me yesterday that I’m “scary” (which isn’t the first time I’ve been told that you can be sure) my response is: I’m upfront and honest to a fault and I treat others how I would like to be treated myself. I’m strong because life has taught me to be, but I’m also as soft as shite on the inside, as anyone close to me knows. All I want is for people to know the real me and love me (or not) for who I am.

And to the other person, who yesterday made reference to whether my last blog post was fair or deserving, my response is:
It wasn’t about anyone else apart from me. I didn’t cast aspersions on said boy's actions or character, as that is neither my outlook nor was ever my intention. I’m not sitting here putting pins into a voodoo doll or thinking black thoughts about anyone in particular - I have absolutely no reason to do so. The post was merely a colourful description of how I chose to approach drawing a line in the sand over something very personal going on inside my own head before it sent me barking.

So, carry on reading if you can put up with the madness of being inside my head. And if not, I’m sure there’s millions of other blogs out there that are far more interesting and insightful than mine.